American Conspiracy Theory
What are they planning to use? Hmm... here is a list of (conspiracy?) theories sent across by some of my well wishers (or are they different aspects of my personality, my other existences transcending the barriers of time and telling me why there is no more hope for me or people like me?):
· Illuminati & the New World Order
The Illuminati was a secret society in Bavaria in the late 18th century. They had a political agenda that included republicanism and abolition of monarchies, which they tried to institute by means of subterfuge, secrecy, and conspiracy, including the infiltration of other organizations.
Many believe that the society still exists. So do I. I also believe that they are tired of being blamed for all the crimes that they have not done and of not getting any credit for all that they have done (like inducing the chicken to cross the road and thereby getting killed and giving an avenue to all those ‘Why did the chicken cross the road?’ jokes) and have finally decided to come forth in a great spectacular show of strength in all their splendour that accentuates their greatness. It is rightly believed that once they do so, all people whose attitudes are not stuck in the colonial mindset of the 18th century will either commit mass suicide rather than live through that (enlightened?) period again. Boom!!! There go all the Asians...
· The Yazuka Takeover
The Yazuka is the Japanese mafia, known to run the world. The Yakuza are the world's richest and most powerful gangsters. They control many of the big-name Japanese corporations that now have huge leverage in the major western economies. Nothing can be done to loosen the grip of the Yakuza on the world economy.
Until one of the bigger mafias, the so called industrial congromolate monoliths decide to buyout the Japanese mafia in an Employee Leveraged Buyout scheme financed by the World Bank and the IMF.
We will then see systematic annihilation of all future competition. No more Asians.
· Alien Encounter
Sometime in the future, the real owners of the hardware at Area 51 will return to claim what’s rightfully theirs. As a penalty, they will devoid the Earth of all inhabitants that do not believe that their country is at the centre of the universe and are not a part of the We are the World phenomenon aka the baseball world series. Man, we sure are screwed.
· The You-Know-Who Syndrome
Brought up on a steady diet of Western pop culture and with their economies booming, it is believed that Asians will earn enough moolah to undergo plastic surgeries to become WASPs (like the famous black pop singer who had a dream to be white and beautiful when he grew up, and today is white, beautiful and has two holes where a nose should be). So in reality, what we see in the movies depicting the future, are not really Caucasians, but Asians that have realised their ambitions to be Bad.
· The Cultural revolution
Sometime in the future, the developed nations will launch a programme akin to Mao’s Cultural Revolution that will state: The White Man is a genius, everything the White Man says is truly great; one of the White man's words will override the meaning of ten thousands of yours.
And yes, this proclamation of the Great Cultural revolution will lead to the death of most of the non white individuals on the face of the earth.
They’ll understand the joke and die laughing. Not a bad way to go. Not a bad way at all.
Anyways, if you have any other theories that can be an addition to the ones above, please let me know. I’m trying to ascertain the believability of each one of them and getting a thesis published on the very topic.
Phi says: The comments made in this particular post are the fruit of a deranged mind having idle time on its hands. The injunctions and references made are hardly coincidental, but any defamation suits resulting from the stated comments cannot be pinned on the author because of a pending insanity plea in the court. If you like the article, please make a contribution in the form of a chain mail to all the employees in your office to make a hearty donation to the ‘Adopt an Asian’ fund that seeks to convert some of the Asians to a WASP mentality to ensure their survival in the world of the future.
· Illuminati & the New World Order
The Illuminati was a secret society in Bavaria in the late 18th century. They had a political agenda that included republicanism and abolition of monarchies, which they tried to institute by means of subterfuge, secrecy, and conspiracy, including the infiltration of other organizations.
Many believe that the society still exists. So do I. I also believe that they are tired of being blamed for all the crimes that they have not done and of not getting any credit for all that they have done (like inducing the chicken to cross the road and thereby getting killed and giving an avenue to all those ‘Why did the chicken cross the road?’ jokes) and have finally decided to come forth in a great spectacular show of strength in all their splendour that accentuates their greatness. It is rightly believed that once they do so, all people whose attitudes are not stuck in the colonial mindset of the 18th century will either commit mass suicide rather than live through that (enlightened?) period again. Boom!!! There go all the Asians...
· The Yazuka Takeover
The Yazuka is the Japanese mafia, known to run the world. The Yakuza are the world's richest and most powerful gangsters. They control many of the big-name Japanese corporations that now have huge leverage in the major western economies. Nothing can be done to loosen the grip of the Yakuza on the world economy.
Until one of the bigger mafias, the so called industrial congromolate monoliths decide to buyout the Japanese mafia in an Employee Leveraged Buyout scheme financed by the World Bank and the IMF.
We will then see systematic annihilation of all future competition. No more Asians.
· Alien Encounter
Sometime in the future, the real owners of the hardware at Area 51 will return to claim what’s rightfully theirs. As a penalty, they will devoid the Earth of all inhabitants that do not believe that their country is at the centre of the universe and are not a part of the We are the World phenomenon aka the baseball world series. Man, we sure are screwed.
· The You-Know-Who Syndrome
Brought up on a steady diet of Western pop culture and with their economies booming, it is believed that Asians will earn enough moolah to undergo plastic surgeries to become WASPs (like the famous black pop singer who had a dream to be white and beautiful when he grew up, and today is white, beautiful and has two holes where a nose should be). So in reality, what we see in the movies depicting the future, are not really Caucasians, but Asians that have realised their ambitions to be Bad.
· The Cultural revolution
Sometime in the future, the developed nations will launch a programme akin to Mao’s Cultural Revolution that will state: The White Man is a genius, everything the White Man says is truly great; one of the White man's words will override the meaning of ten thousands of yours.
And yes, this proclamation of the Great Cultural revolution will lead to the death of most of the non white individuals on the face of the earth.
They’ll understand the joke and die laughing. Not a bad way to go. Not a bad way at all.
Anyways, if you have any other theories that can be an addition to the ones above, please let me know. I’m trying to ascertain the believability of each one of them and getting a thesis published on the very topic.
Phi says: The comments made in this particular post are the fruit of a deranged mind having idle time on its hands. The injunctions and references made are hardly coincidental, but any defamation suits resulting from the stated comments cannot be pinned on the author because of a pending insanity plea in the court. If you like the article, please make a contribution in the form of a chain mail to all the employees in your office to make a hearty donation to the ‘Adopt an Asian’ fund that seeks to convert some of the Asians to a WASP mentality to ensure their survival in the world of the future.
posted by The Mad Magazine at
10:07 PM
3 Comments:
e fuck is my name???
By
Fixxxer, at 10:16 PM
where the fuck is my name
By
Fixxxer, at 10:16 PM
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Unknown, at 1:15 PM
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