News from the Fourth Dimension
A Glimpse into the Vagaries of the Workplace
After five months on the job, I’ve come to the irrefutable conclusion that your job is completely different than what you learn during your stint at a business school (though the professors will have you believe otherwise). I’ve learnt that what happens at work is poles apart from your experiences at school. So, I’ve decided not to let my juniors suffer by not being privy to my precious deductions. If you have the courage to accept the glaring differences and mould yourself, read on. Else, ignorance is bliss till the truth shatters all your beliefs.
At the school, we have loads of data and background to work on. We toil over it, burn the midnight oil (a day before the presentation) and learn to get the answers that fit the data.
On your job, you will hardly have any data, but you will have the set of all the standard answers. Here, you will learn to manipulate the data to fit the answers that everyone wants to hear.
2. In the business school, you pay a lot of money to go to college, ogle at the opposite sex, sleep in class and generally while away your time.
On the job, the company will pay you to do all that.
3. Business school teaches you the art of drinking after a hard day’s work
Your job will teach you to put in a day’s work after a hard drink
4. In the school, you HAVE to wear a necktie one day in a week
On the job you HAVE to NOT wear a necktie one day in a week
5. In the business school, laptop owners are the lucky ones
On the job, the lucky ones will be the ones who do not own a laptop (those who will own one, will carry their work home)
6. In the business school, you are taught to switch off your mobiles or to keep them on the silent mode during an important discussion
A few meetings in the office will teach you that the worth of a person is directly proportional to the number of calls that he gets during these meetings. So you better keep that damn phone on and at the loudest possible volume (and ask your friends to keep on calling you at regular intervals).
7. Business school teaches you to tell everybody that you’ve hardly worked on a project that you might’ve spent most of your last week on.
Your job will teach you to count all the hours that you’ve spent chatting with colleagues, surfing the net, reading the newspaper and drinking coffee around the vending machine into the time that you claim to have worked on a particular project.
On a lighter vein (you didn’t think that I was joking till now, did you?), there is not much of a difference in being in a business school and working. You would be paid to make the same kind of rookie mistakes that you made when you were in the business school. So sit back, fasten your seat belts, and enjoy the ride.
Phi Says: Smile… It will confuse people.
After five months on the job, I’ve come to the irrefutable conclusion that your job is completely different than what you learn during your stint at a business school (though the professors will have you believe otherwise). I’ve learnt that what happens at work is poles apart from your experiences at school. So, I’ve decided not to let my juniors suffer by not being privy to my precious deductions. If you have the courage to accept the glaring differences and mould yourself, read on. Else, ignorance is bliss till the truth shatters all your beliefs.
At the school, we have loads of data and background to work on. We toil over it, burn the midnight oil (a day before the presentation) and learn to get the answers that fit the data.
On your job, you will hardly have any data, but you will have the set of all the standard answers. Here, you will learn to manipulate the data to fit the answers that everyone wants to hear.
2. In the business school, you pay a lot of money to go to college, ogle at the opposite sex, sleep in class and generally while away your time.
On the job, the company will pay you to do all that.
3. Business school teaches you the art of drinking after a hard day’s work
Your job will teach you to put in a day’s work after a hard drink
4. In the school, you HAVE to wear a necktie one day in a week
On the job you HAVE to NOT wear a necktie one day in a week
5. In the business school, laptop owners are the lucky ones
On the job, the lucky ones will be the ones who do not own a laptop (those who will own one, will carry their work home)
6. In the business school, you are taught to switch off your mobiles or to keep them on the silent mode during an important discussion
A few meetings in the office will teach you that the worth of a person is directly proportional to the number of calls that he gets during these meetings. So you better keep that damn phone on and at the loudest possible volume (and ask your friends to keep on calling you at regular intervals).
7. Business school teaches you to tell everybody that you’ve hardly worked on a project that you might’ve spent most of your last week on.
Your job will teach you to count all the hours that you’ve spent chatting with colleagues, surfing the net, reading the newspaper and drinking coffee around the vending machine into the time that you claim to have worked on a particular project.
On a lighter vein (you didn’t think that I was joking till now, did you?), there is not much of a difference in being in a business school and working. You would be paid to make the same kind of rookie mistakes that you made when you were in the business school. So sit back, fasten your seat belts, and enjoy the ride.
Phi Says: Smile… It will confuse people.
posted by The Mad Magazine at
4:42 AM
